What a Let Down

Last week, I interviewed for a job in Greenville.  Only three people interviewed for the position, and I thought that my interview went well, so I liked my chances.  I mistakenly got my hopes up and started picturing myself spending a long time with that firm.  Well unfortunately, I got a phone call from one of my classmates that he had gotten and accepted the job.  I was crushed and felt defeated. 

At first I was just really sad.  Then I lost my appetite and threw my dinner I had prepared in the trash.  I thought nothing good will come out of this day so I decided to go ahead and go to sleep early.  Well that was a mistake thinking I could sleep.  I just kept thinking about what I could have done wrong, what else could I do, why am I not getting a job, and where am I going to go next.

I can't help but think that my gender stereotype has something to do with it.  It is not just that I am a female, but that I am a young female with long blond hair who cares about her appearance.  Last night I was so close to taking the scissors to my hair and then tomorrow buy hair dye to turn me mousy brown.  At my age and in the profession I am seeking, it is as if you have to choose.  Do I want a good job and look that part (i.e. gender neutral) or do I want to attract the opposite sex and hopefully find someone to spend my life with?

So after I had my legally blonde moment, I started to feel cheated.  I was always under the impression that if you worked hard and make good grades, you will be rewarded.  Well I seemed to have missed that reward.  I graduated at the top of my high school class.  I graduated with honors from college with a bachelors in Finance and minor in Accounting.  I graduated in the top 20% of my law school class, and I currently hold a 3.5 in my master tax program.  And yet, I can't get a job!  What else am I supposed to do.  I am so tempted to just give up, move back home, work retail or bartend, barely live pay check to pay check and hopefully find some guy that might be willing to take care of me for a little while.

Yes, I am throwing myself a pity party on this post, but I needed to vent because I am feeling pretty lost these days.  Thanks for listening.